


Giant Squid VS The Empire State Building

by AlloftheFandom



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Awkward First Times, First Time, Gratuitous Smut, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Lots of kissing, M/M, Mild Humor, Xeno, alternate troll biology hc, biolum hc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 02:20:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10584402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlloftheFandom/pseuds/AlloftheFandom
Summary: The boys are at it again with not knowing how the others junk works, questions ensue and they end up with more than they bargained for. Featuring dyonoi's biolum hc.





	

“Fuck, I dunno? A dick just kinda looks like a dick.” Dave was blushing furiously at the question Karkat had just asked him. The two had been up to one of their “nightly” reading sessions of some shitty Alternian romance novel when they’d gotten to a particularly graphic part and Dave had made an offhand comment about how weird troll dicks sounded. Karkat of course knew that there was difference between human and troll anatomy, but he wasn’t really sure what was going on down there for humans. So he asked Dave what a human dick looked like and the poor boy found himself at a loss for words.

“And, what does that look like?” Karkat prompted, again, setting the book down on his lap.

“Shit, um… you know how I draw dicks a lot? Yeah, they look kinda like that, but more detailed I guess. Fuck…” Dave looked around the room, searching for the words to use. “It’s long and phallic. I guess?”

“That still doesn’t tell me much, some elaboration might be nice.” Karkat gave him an annoyed look.

“Are you seriously gonna make me do this thing, because fuck man that’s just weird and kinda awkward. You’re gonna make me whip out my dick for the sake of interspecies sex ed. If you were so interested in my sperminator all you had to do was ask nicely, he’s not that shy when it comes to cuties like yourself. Haha, that was really gay.” It seemed talking like a complete dope helped settle himself a little.

“I hate to break this to you, Dave, but kissing boys is very human gay and as is offering to show them your genitals. Sorry to burst your festering ignorance bubble.” He closed the book, dog-earing the page to keep his place for later.

“So is that a no on the dong ogling session then?” He was honestly hoping it was a no. He didn’t want to go through the sheer embarrassment of showing his dick to an alien, let alone his incredibly hot boyfriend, who he had dreamed about in more physical situations than penis staring.

“It’d be a miserable lie if I said I wasn’t at least a little curious, especially after all the make out sessions where you repeatedly stab me in the leg with whatever hard covering you have over it. The closure would be pretty fucking nice.” A slight blush had crept onto his cheeks while he spoke, which to Dave was a clear indicator of interest.

“Yes then?”

“God fucking damn it you bulgeblistering smartass, yes I want you to show me!” His face was a full on bright red, standing out starkly against the cool grey of his skin. “It doesn’t have to go anywhere past that if you don’t want to. Not that I was saying that it was or I was going to make you do anything considering, ugh never mind.”

Dave felt a shock of worry run through him, he hadn’t been that transparent with what had happened to him in the past, right? He knew that Karkat was no idiot, but he was sure he’d gotten at least that aspect of his upbringing hidden.  When he looked back up at Karkat he could tell that probably wasn’t the case.

“Karkat,” Dave said, a hint of warning in his tone. “Don’t tell me you’re doing the thing again. The whole self-deprecating thing, y’know. If you need to hash it out with me we totally can, I’m more down than my pants were gonna be about fifty-six seconds ago. I’m here for you, man. I’ve got my ears prepped and the snuggles more than fucking ready. They’re practically already happening.” He pulled Karkat into a hug and pulled him down to lay on the couch. “Bam, snuggles are happening. Now, what’s getting your goat man?”

“I don’t want to rush you with the whole getting more physically involved thing.” Karkat muttered, after a minute of silence. “I don’t want to push you too far before you’re fully ready, but I think I am ready for it. If you aren’t that’s fine and I’m not going to make you. I’m sorry for implying that that’s what would happen after that. We’ve been together for almost a full half a sweep now and I kind of figured you might take more initiative to engage things in that way since you talk about it so much.”

“Dude, it’s totally fine. If pissed off were a location, it would be my earth. Far away and nonexistent. I’ve been kind of skirting around it cus you’re such a huge romantic and I didn’t want to fuck our shit up by being too forward. Also it’s weird to randomly bring up y’know. It might not fly over too well if I walked up to you and said something along the lines of: “Hey babe, you’re cute, let’s fuck.” Or something equally as dumb.” Dave murmured as he stroked Karkat’s hair.

“I hoped you would at least have some more fucking subtlety than that if you’d asked me.” Karkat said, a bit of a laugh shaking his body.

“You know me, blunt as your own horns.” Dave chuckled, planting a small kiss on the top of his head. “But in all seriousness, do you want to see my dick or what?”

“Yes, I still do. I wasn’t the one to pull someone else down for a feelings jam instead of showing me his bulge.” Dave simply put his hands up in response and pulled himself off the couch.

“Alrighty so no takesbacksies unless they’re super needed. Also don’t laugh or anything if it’s super weird to you, alien solidarity and all that jazz.” Dave nervously tugged at the waistband of his pants, wishing he could hide the bright blush on his face. He closed his eyes and pulled them the rest of the way off in one motion, boxers and all. “So uh-”

“It looks like a fucking mushroom.” Karkat said, looking up at his face. “Consider myself unimpressed.”

“Wait what? Hold the fuck up. You’re not impressed by my dick? You haven’t even seen half the shit the lil guy can do. He’s not even lil he’s fucking big so shut your facehole.” Dave was incredibly flustered to say the least and more than a little offended. “I didn’t die for you to come out here and tell me my dick sucks.”

“I’m sorry, Dave, but what trolls have is much better as I’m sure you could tell from everything I’ve so graciously read to you.” Karkat said, looking pretty pleased with himself.

“If that’s so true, then why don’t you show me?” Dave retorted, kicking his pants off.

“Maybe I will.” Karkat almost growled, but a playful growl. “Prepare to be “wowed.””

Karkat pulled his pants off, fighting back the blush that has settled warmly on his cheeks. He sat a moment in only his sweater and quadrant print boxers, mustering up the courage to pull them off with Dave watching him so intently.

“Wow Karkat, I’m not sure what the fuck you were talking about when you said you were unimpressed considering your considerable lack of-” Karkat pulled him into a hard kiss, cutting him off before he could even try to finish his sentence.

Dave couldn’t help the soft surprised sound from coming out when Karkat had pulled him in for what was quickly becoming one of their top five most passionate kisses. Dave slipped his hands up Karkat’s sweater to rub at the soft skin around his grub scars. The scars themselves were more ticklish than a turn on, but the flesh around them was soft, akin to how humans felt to the touch.

Before he knew it, he was being pushed back so Karkat could pull his oversized sweater off and pulled right back in for another kiss. Dave couldn’t help but find the way his boyfriend lit up like a Christmas tree whenever anything nearly sexual was initiated. He’d explained it to him as a sort of mating signal or to scare off would be predators. He didn’t really care what their initial uses were, but he did care how it showed off that he was truly enjoying what was happening, that Dave was the one to do this to him. The only one to get to see him bright and shinning like that.

When Dave finally pulled back to pull his shirt/cape combo off he was already hard and ready for whatever it was Karkat was going to do with that seemingly invisible set of junk. Karkat did seem to be enjoying himself if the patterns of glowing light on his skin were anything to go off of.  He pushed his shades to the top of his head and went back to kissing and grinding against where Karkat’s bulge would probably be if it existed.

A few short moments after Dave had moved down to kiss and suck at Karkats neck, he felt something wet wrap around his aching dick. He didn’t realize how much he needed to get off until the whatever it was had wrapped itself around his cock.  He detached himself from where he had been sucking at Karkat’s neck to peer down at whatever it was that had got his dick in a stranglehold.

He would’ve laughed if it weren’t squeezing and pulsating around his dick in all the right way, because apparently his alien boyfriend had a squid shoved in his crotch and it was trying to wrestle with his dick. He clung to Karkat’s shoulders, trying to ground himself from the feeling, but it wasn’t going too well considering he had the same idea to cling to him.

They ended up holding each other as Karkat’s bulge went to town on the rigid length of Dave’s dick. Dave was thrusting into it, shaking from how good it felt. He knew he couldn’t last much longer, he was too sensitive from the lack of contact to it for so long. He buried his face in Karkat’s neck, murmuring nonsense against his skin.

“Ngh… Fuck, Karkat you’re so good at the whole this and just I h-ah! Fuck, I’m so close, I’m gonna!” Dave babbled, lightly clawing at Karkat’s back, shaking like a leaf.

He came onto both of their stomachs, Karkat’s crotch tentacle pulling him through his orgasm. His dick began to wilt, much to Karkat’s displeasure so he took over with his hand, twining his fingers with it, earning a loud moan from his boyfriend.

He kept dragging his fingers down it and squeezing, trying to work out what got the best reactions from him. If it weren’t for how spent he already felt he would probably have been hard and ready to go just from how wet his bulge was and how it moved with his hand. Something about his bulge was so fucking hot despite it being the almost dictionary definition of a tentacle in looks aside from it glowing like a fluorescent bulb.

By the time Dave had figured out just how to make Karkat feel the best he knew he was getting close. His voice had risen in pitch and was becoming a strange mixture of bug and almost human, more so than it had been previously. Karkat reached a hand up to Dave’s cheek and pulled him into another kiss.

“Fuck, I l-love you so much! Dave I-!” Karkat couldn’t finish, he came into Dave’s hand, completely soaking him with his genetic material. This caused Dave to give a small “woah” as he fell back off the couch in surprise.

“Alright nothing you said before warned me about the bukkake party going on in your pants or the fact that it was spliced with a neon super soaker. I don’t think this couch is even remotely salvageable at this point it’s just ruined with your cherry baby jam.” Dave said, still lying on the floor in shock. He could feel Karkat’s jizz slowly dripping down his leg.

“Can you maybe go get a towel or something before this congeals and hardens? I can’t fucking move without spilling more of this mess all over the floor.” Karkat grumbled, looking thoroughly uncomfortable, sitting in his own slick.

“Yeah yeah, I’ll go get some. As you wish and all that romantic shit.” Dave draped his cape around himself to hide the mess that had been made on him and he ran off to get a towel.

He got back, towels in hand and the two set about cleaning up their mess.

**Author's Note:**

> instead of finishing the chapter im working on i shat out this instead  
> hope yall enjoyed  
> if theres something wrong tell me in the comments  
> thanks


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